When you tell everyone ‘I'm fine’ but feel differently inside

Sometimes a day goes by before you have even had a chance to ask yourself how you feel. You get up, look after others, work, reply to messages and take care of everyday things. Then, in the quiet of the evening, you realise that more has built up inside than you wanted to admit.

When someone asks how you are, you automatically say, ‘Fine.’ Maybe you don't want to explain. Maybe you don't yet know how to put how you feel into words. Or maybe you feel you have no right to complain, because other people have it harder.

I want to talk about this because we so often look for a justification for our feelings. As if we can only be sad when something very painful has happened. As if we can only be tired once we've finished every task.

But how you feel deserves attention even when you can't explain exactly why today feels hard.

It isn't always easy to understand what we feel

Sometimes we say, ‘I'm tired,’ when we also feel disappointment, loneliness or hurt. Sometimes a small thing irritates us, but beneath it is a need we've left unspoken for a long time: to be heard, to have help, or simply to have some peace.

Of course, not every difficult day has a deeper cause. Sometimes we haven't slept enough, haven't had enough rest, or have too much to deal with at once. Even so, it's worth noticing how we treat ourselves on those days.

Do we let ourselves pause? Or do we immediately say, ‘Pull yourself together. What's wrong with you?’

I wish we would ask ourselves a different question more often: ‘What do I need today?’

Emotional wellbeing doesn't mean always being in a good mood

To me, caring for my emotional wellbeing means being able to be honest with myself. Admitting that something hurts. Noticing that I've taken on too much. Saying that I don't have the energy for one more commitment today.

You can love your family and still want time to yourself. You can like your job and still feel worn out by it. You can be grateful for what you have and still be going through a difficult time.

These feelings can exist together. They don't make you ungrateful or weak.

You can begin with a small pause

Sometimes even looking after yourself starts to feel like another job. You are supposed to rest properly, move more, keep a journal, meditate. And perhaps all you want just then is for someone to say, ‘I can see this is hard for you.’

So I would suggest starting simply. Find a few minutes and ask yourself:

• How do I really feel today?
• What has taken the most out of me?
• What might make today even a little easier?

The answer might be something very ordinary: eating a meal in peace, putting off one task, asking for help, going for a walk, or talking with someone around whom you don't have to pretend.

It won't solve every difficulty, but it may help you better understand what's happening for you and what kind of support you need.

You don't have to get through everything alone

Sometimes the hardest part is beginning to talk. It can feel as though we first need to sort through our thoughts, find a reason, and only then ask for help.

But you can also begin a conversation with: ‘I don't know what's wrong. I just haven't been feeling well lately.’

It matters to me that MindBridge is a space for that kind of conversation. A place where you can come with what you're feeling today, even if your thoughts are tangled and the words haven't quite come yet. Somewhere we can explore together what is weighing on you, what you are missing and what you might want to change.

If the difficulty lasts or begins to affect your everyday life, it is worth seeking help. You don't need to wait until it becomes unbearable.

Today I invite you to pause, even briefly, and listen to your answer to the question, ‘How am I feeling?’ Even if the answer isn't ‘fine’.